Cinema Review – This Means War
Out this weekend in the UK is This Means War, but is this really the film we need to see BANE in? Or is it a comedy classic? Teri investigates…
I have very limited patience for films that look like Pepsi commercials. From the opening scene, I wasn’t even sure that the movie had started – it was bright, it was loud, it kind of looked like a Smallville episode sponsored by Blackberry, and I genuinely wasn’t sure that we’d left the advertisements reel. Highly saturated colours, whiter-than-white teeth and perfect hair, cheesy dialogue – check, check and check, This Mean War has all three, and it’s the full-fat variety that is just so typical from McG.
The story, which revolves around two best friends who are also co-workers in the CIA (which, by the way, looks alarmingly like an Apple store) who just happen to fall for the same unsuspecting woman on the same day, is contrived and problematic, not exactly held up well by its flat script and poor direction. Which is a crying shame, given its cast – Tom Hardy, who is excellent, has been dealt a huge disservice here. He puts his all into it, there’s no denying that, and stands head and shoulders above his co-stars, but with such a great back catalogue of work behind him, one has to wonder what made him sign the dotted line. Money, perhaps, which This Means War has been absolutely drenched in, from the silly, Austin Powers-esque office Witherspoon’s Lauren works in to the men’s cartoonish bachelor pads with their swimming pool ceilings and kitchen equipment that looks like it’s never been used.
Speaking of things that don’t get used, the plot has a split personality; on the one hand, it wants to be a light, and sometimes genuinely funny romcom, on the other, it’s desperate to be a glossy, over the top action movie with some paper thin storyline running faintly behind the main love triangle that really drowns on the wayside. Toe-curling stereotypes are fluffed up to their absolute maximum – FDR (Pine) is an insufferable manwhore who just doesn’t understand women, Tuck (Hardy) is a sensitive bloke from London (are people from the UK even allowed to work for the CIA? Answers on a postcard, please) who is on the search for The One. And in between all of that, they’re bad guy fightin’ spies who seem to have way too much free time on their hands considering the amount of laying around they do in their pads and the amount of time they dedicate to chasing Witherspoon until one of them wins.
Half a star for some fleetingly funny dialogue that fizzled flat amongst its sugar-heavy direction and cornea-burning cinematography, and a full star for Hardy and Witherspoon’s efforts. Otherwise, this was just another wearisome McG dud that will seriously cause you more harm than good.
THIS MEANS WAR IS RELEASED NATIONALLY IN UK ON MARCH 2ND 2012
About The Author – Teri Williams
Teri is a former film student from Edinburgh and currently works in book publishing in London. She is a fan of bad taste films, horror, fantasy, science fiction and vintage teen comedy and has been described by her friends as a “proper nerd” and a human imdb. She can be found speaking nonsense under the twitter name @msenidcoleslaw and scribbling similar nonsense on her blog Enid’s Revenge
Have you seen this film? Does it appeal to you? Are you a fan of Tom Hardy? Comment below…
Teri
Thank God you didn’t give this a good score. I have no idea what Tom was doing signing up for this kind of thing, when he has BRONSON, INCEPTION, WARRIOR and THE DARK KNIGHT RISES under his belt.
Hahaha, I knew you’d be first in, Williams.
It was a real stinker – and what annoyed me was that I left the cinema not being THIS offended by it, but when I went to outline the review the more I realized how bad a film it really was.
Great review! The movie looks just awful and I will never understand what people see in Tom Hardy.
See now, I absolutely love Tom. I’m willing to forgive him for this…
Wow, even 1.5 star seems pretty high for this crapfest. I do understand the appeal of Hardy, even Pine is not bad though he always strikes me as annoyingly-smug. I think ‘insufferable manwhore’ is spot on, Teri
Anyway, the premise is just beyond preposterous, even for a rom-com! I’m not sure I’d even want to rent this one.
Thanks for your comment, Ruth! Haha, sounds like one you should avoid then!
Maybe I just like being controversial but I actually quite enjoyed This Means War. I had literally no expectations but if a film can take my mind off a broken foot for an hour and a half then it’s definitely done its job. I agree that the dialogue was cheesy and the story was ludicrous but as a pure popcorn flick this will definitely entertain the masses and I was quite surprised by how much I liked it.
You’re right – it’s definitely a popcorn movie, and I can certainly see some people really enjoying it. It just wasn’t for me, though, which made me sad because everyone knows how much I love THard
You’re right, this film could not decide what it wanted to be. Action or RomCom. and I’m glad you mentioned the always perfect hair and white teeth! haha
I did, however, find Hardy and Pine’s performances to be what made this film fun. They worked the screen together quite well and made it enjoyable for what it was. I rated it higher than you, but overall a fantastic review, Teri!
The teeth were so gleaming, even by Hollywood standards!
Thanks for stopping by to comment!
Hi, Teri and company:
Very thorough and humorously revealing job!
I thought this film needed a woman’s point of view from the first trailer I caught of it months ago. The film sounds like it could use an entirely new plot line.
Something like this.
Tuck and FDR are best friends who glimpse Reese Witherspoon at the same moment. Tuck turns and beats the snot out of FDR, ala ‘Warrior’. Latches onto Reese and she and Tuck live happily ever after.
I’ve just saved Hollywood millions in catering, wardrobe and special effects!
And created a better project to boot.
Hi Jack!
Thank you for your lovely comment (as always!)!
I MUCH prefer this story – I do indeed love Warrior…
I’m going to see if I can catch this next week. I’m fully prepared for an all out silly and slightly confused film, but have read a lot of reviews saying that it’s just a bit of fun. Am a fan of Hardy… he’s the main draw for me.
I don’t have much desire at all to watch this. Maybe I’ll pick it up through Netflix when it hits DVD on there, but that’s about it. It doesn’t look all that interesting from the trailers I’ve seen. At best, it looks like there might be a few funny moments, but that’s just due to the Hardy and Pine pulling those pranks on each other. Beyond that, I see nothing of value, and something tells me those wear thing too. And the fact that it’s a McG movie only makes it lose more points on my interest scale.
Again, another complete and utter waste of time and space. Why? Just…why? Hollywood needs to start showing a little more respect for its audience.
A nice review and well written. Have a read at my review. It will be interesting to hear your opinion,
http://pgtipsonfilms.com/2012/03/15/this-means-war-review/